Doubting your feelings at the beginning of the relationship
Is it normal to doubt one’s feelings at the beginning of the relationship or is this a bad sign? When you start a story, the feelings are not immediate, and it is normal to have uncertainties. If some have a real love at first sight that is confirmed over time, others need time to feel in love.
But if the doubt settles to the point of wondering if we really feel something for the other, or if it will come one day, isn’t it veiling our face in the end? So to what extent should we ask ourselves questions and question our relationship when we are led to doubt our feelings at the beginning of the relationship?
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Doubting your feelings at the beginning of the relationship
Relativizing a normal situation
First thing: if you doubt, do not tell yourself that this is proof that you are not “really” in love. Before you let the doubt invade you to the point of questioning everything, tell yourself thatit is quite normal to have hesitations at the beginning. Of course, we tend to think that everything should be all beautiful, all pink, that we should feel a kind of obviousness. But do not forget that this kind of floating can be essential for the relationship and give his feelings time to reveal themselves, to blossom and to flourish.
A doubt linked to the commitment of the other?
Here’s a reason why it may be possible to have doubts. In this case, it is legitimate to have doubts about how you feel. When the reciprocity of feelings is called into question, the relationship cannot work. Whether consciously or not you doubt the sincerity of the other, it is not surprising that you block your feelings and therefore doubt. So indeed, why start a relationship with problems? To test the reverse schema? If this happens to you from the beginning of the relationship, it is not a good sign. A beautiful love story’s one where there is reciprocity in feelings, both yours and his own.
The fear of loving again: one of the reasons to doubt one’s feelings at the beginning of the relationship?
Is this man really made for me? Does this woman really fit me? Am I sure I want to get into a relationship with that person? Can I trust him? These are all questions that can arise when you doubt your feelings at the beginning of a relationship. We find ourselves torn between contradictory feelings, we move forward by one step to move back two, and we sometimes start to totally doubt our feelings.
If there are degrees in the doubts that one may have, they are unavoidable. Our prejudices, our fear of the unknown, that of repeating a failure or suffering again come to waver our landmarks. We must, of course, listen to these warning signs, while at the same time making a distinction. Recognize our justified doubts and those caused by our fear of loving again. It can happen to doubt oneself and one’s feelings, depending on the weight of one’s past in love in particular. Not having certainties at the beginning of a relationship is a concern inherent in the state of love.
Asking the right questions
To find out where you are with your feelings, take the time to ask yourself the right questions. It is a simple but effective method to situate yourself.
Do you feel well-being when you are in his company? Are you going to have a good time together? Do you miss him/her? Do you often think of him/her? How do you feel at the prospect of finding him or her? Excitement, joy? Boredom, anxiety? Nothing special? Or are you in a relationship just to fill the weight of your emotional loneliness?
If the answers are generally positive, then tell yourself that this is enough! At the beginning of the relationship, it is quite normal to take your time and ask yourself the question of the strength of the feeling of love. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
Should we talk about our doubts?
The answer belongs to you in the sense that everything depends on the state in which you feel. But your feelings are your “responsibility”, so it is not up to the other person to know for you what to do. Of course, if the doubt about your feelings is related to his behavior, at that time it is more than appropriate to discuss. Communicating well in the couple is essential. At the beginning of a relationship, one may tend to keep one’s doubts to oneself, so as not to scare the other, to make him suffer or to see him flee. But if you feel the need to share your doubts, dare to say what you have on your heart, your fears, your desires and therefore your doubts, while assuming your position.
Doubting feelings at the beginning of a relationship because of a long period of celibacy
Were you single for a long time? If you haven’t had an ongoing relationship in a while, you’ve obviously got into single habits. On a daily basis, you don’t even think about it, but you may have a hard time making room for someone in your life, and therefore also in your heart. And after so much time, you had all the time to idealize things, to dream about the perfect relationship. But dream and reality never correspond in all respects. It is therefore up to love to take away doubts, not reason. And for this, it must be given time to settle down
An ex still in the heart?
What if celibacy was not the only reason for your doubts? What you have to do with your past in love is leave it behind. You have to know how to turn the page to be able to embark again on a love story and give a real chance to a new relationship. Is this your case, are you free to feel love again? Or is your ex still part of the equation? If your heart is not free or still suffering, then it is normal to doubt your feelings in the context of an emerging relationship.
And then, the problem is always the comparison, we will judge this new love in relation to the old one. Thus, either we will hope that it saves us from the previous; or that it anesthetizes the pain of the past rupture. Thus, it cannot be said often enough, not having mourned a previous relationship creates in you an emotional imbalance that distorts everything and prevents you from loving again.
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